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April 29th, 2004

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January 1st, 2004

12:22 pm "The greatest moment of self awareness is waking up, and coming to find you are still alive." I saw that on someone's livejournal today. What total bullshit. Today I saw an old TV show on TV Land at Greg's house, he has cable, called The Greatest american Hero about a teacher who gets a superhero costume from exterterrestials, and it gives him superhero powers, but the problem is he doesn't have the instruction manual so he doesn't always know how they work. He keeps getting missions (from the FBI, his partner is the guy who played the president in that video game) that he has to follow anyway. Yah, that didn't sound familiar or anything. Your Energy is Grey. Your thoughts are unclear, muddled, and confusing. Dark thoughts or depression may be clouding your true colors. It may be that you have been hurt and rejected, or maybe you are just manipulative, dark, and evil. What color is your energy? brought to you by Quizilla Current Mood: amused Current Music: Depeche Mode

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December 25th, 2003

12:04 am It's almost time. The dreams are getting heavier and heavier. I started smokign which Mom would hate, not just weed but cigarettes, T-Dog gave me some of his mom's. I saw his father get eaten by a ghostshark, but his father hasn't noticed yet. He just keeps going to work and coming home and watching tv and going to work and coming home and watching tv, but his guts are spilled all over the floor and dragging behind him. Can't no one see them but me. I know there are soldiers out there. i wonder if i should find them. I wonder, did Jesus feel this way? It had to be different, being the First Coming instead of the Second. He didn't have a bakcwards to look at. He didn't have a Bible to read and go, "Oh, Jesus, what the fuck am I getting myself into?" No pun intended. He didn't have Last Temptation of Christ and The Passion and The Life of Brian to watch. The war's coming and it's coming hard. I wonder if it will start before I've grown up. before I can find my apostles. I wonder when I'll start feeling more like the Son of God. I wonder when God will start answering my prayers with more than battle commands. I wonder what tomorrow will be like. Sometimes it doesn't go easy and I have to hurt them. My fingernails are never clean anymore. Never ever. They're brown and black with old blood no one ever notices. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: The Turtles - Eve of Destruction

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June 9th, 2003

01:03 am We who have so much to you who have so little To you who don’t have anything at all We who have so much more than any one man does need And you who don’t have anything at all, ah Does anybody need another million dollar movie Does anybody need another million dollar star Does anybody need to be told over and over Spitting in the wind comes back at you twice as hard Strawman, going straight to the devil Strawman, going straight to hell Strawman, going straight to the devil Strawman Strawman Strawman Strawman, yes Does anyone really need a billion dollar rocket Does anyone need a 60,000 dollars car Does anyone need another president Or the sins of swaggart parts 6, 7, 8 and 9, ah Does anyone need yet another politician Caught with his pants down and money sticking in his hole Does anyone need another racist preacher Spittin’ in the wind can only do you harm, ooohhh Strawman, going straight to the devil Strawman, going straight to hell Strawman, going straight to the devil Strawman Strawman Strawman Strawman Does anyone need another faulty shuttle Blasting off to the moon, venus or mars Does anybody need another self-righteous rock singer Whose nose he says has led him straight to god Does anyone need yet another blank skyscraper If you’re like me I’m sure a minor miracle will do A flaming sword or maybe a gold ark floating up the hudson When you spit in the wind it comes right back at you Strawman, going straight to the devil Strawman, going straight to hell Strawman, going to the devil Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: Lou reed - Strawman

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June 8th, 2003

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April 23rd, 2003

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September 22nd, 2002

07:06 pm - finally So I was 10 when it happened. I was taking swimming lessons, and I had to take a swimming test in order to graduate from Flounder to Catfish. Most of the big kids, you know, the regular kids, were already in Catfish, but I'd missed a lot of lessons-a whole summer when i was 7 or 8- because mom couldn't afford them, and I was behind. I really wanted to be in Catfish. I tried practicing the breaststroke and things like that at home, just laying on the floor. Mr. Tannicle said since I was the only 10 year old who still wadnt in Catfish, I could take the test by myself so I woudn't have to wait for the little kids to finish. So I go over to the pool that day, and it's real quiet. I guess I don't know if I'd ever been in there, with the steam coming up just a little bit from the heated water and it being so still. No splashing, no running, no shouting and echo, just me and Mr. Tannicle. For fifteen minutes, I treaded water and held my breath and did laps, with Mr Tannicle nodding along and checking his stop watch, but he seemmed destracted. Like he was thinking of something else, like I always am in math class, or especially now all the time, thinking of plans. I had to remember to stop doodling becayuse teacher sent me to Guidance when she saw what I drew. I was treading water for a long time and I said "Mr. Tannicle, am I done yet?" He looked down and said, "Oh, I'm sorry," and smiled a little, this weird smile. Grown-ups smile at weird things. Like they aren't happy? Like the smile is to say hello, or to say "this is what's best for you." When they're happy they usually want yoju to leave the room. Mr. Tannicle didn't want me to leave ther oom, though. "I guess I lost track of time," he says, and then he gets in the water with me, to hold me still while I do my breast stroke so he can get a look at it and then I'll do some laps with it. Then Mr. Tannicle got a little weird. He started touching me, you know. Just on the back and legs. And on my neck, touching the back of my neck and the back of my head, like he was cupping water from the pool and pouring it over my head. My eyes started to hurt from the chlorine. It was the weekend and they chlorinate the pools on Saturday morning so maybe they had put in too much, but my eyes were stinging. He was doing something else too thou. Smething was coming out of his fingers and sticking to me. Like little puckerfish, ffffffoop ffffffooop when he moved his fingers over my skin, little suction cup noises, and I could feel him sucking something out of me. When I turned arond and saw the look on his face I could see he was enhjoying it. He was really happy and he didn't want me to leave the room. But it wasn't good. And his face, his smile, it sort of broke his face, like part of his head was just kind of hanging there, split like firewood where his wedge of a smile was, and he was breathing this flemmy Darth Vader breathing. The light hitting the water kept breaking into lines, and the lines kept falling over like dominos, and the lines started spelling out words. It was like I could hear them when I read them, and I knew I was the only one who could, just like I knew no one else would have been able to see Mr. Tannicle's puckerfish fingers or hear those sucking noises. The words said: YOU ARE MY SON, WHOM I LOVE. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL BAPTIZE WITH A CLEANSING FLAME. DESTROY ALL MONSTERS. I looked at Mr. Tannicle and he was crying when he could see that I saw him. That I really saw him. I think maybe nobody ever saw him before for real. I think he didn't like it any. I wonder, is that why he liked being a swimming teacher, because the water makes you look different than a mirror does. It shows you yourself, but it lies. "I'm sorry," Mr. Tannicle said, and I hate it when grownups cry, when their voice gets thick and high from talking with a throat full of crying. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry." Still stroking my hair, puckerfish fingers still crawling down my skin. "I forgive you, Mr. Tannicle," I said, and he started shaking, and he fell into the water, twitching, and I had to get out real quick because his skin was breaking off in chunks that sizzled, and there wasn't nothing underneath his skin but black air and stink. I got out of that pool and grabbed my towel, and I watched until the last of Mr. Tannicle had sizzled off. The pool was so still, with the steam coming off it and everything was so quiet without the shouting. That's when I knew there were monsters in the world, and that's when I knew I was the Son of God, sent back from Heaven to save the world. Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Evanessence

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September 14th, 2002

07:50 pm - MOLE MOLE MOLE mole joke time!! whats a moles favorite fruit? watermolens!! HAHAHAH whats a moles favorite dip? guacamoley!!! HAHAHAH whose the moles girlfriend? marilyn monmole HAHAHAH whose the mooles other girlfriend? mandy mole AHAHAHHAHaHAHAH!!!! anyway yeah, I wrote up some of what happened but I want to fix it up. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: The Pixies, "Head On"

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September 13th, 2002

03:19 pm - bleh test Current Mood: cheerful

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